The weight of guilt
by Ejes
Summary: There was something important he needed them to know. Something that kept him up at night. They were all back in Radiant Garden for what could be the most important thing he ever had to tell anyone. /!\ Heavy KH3 spoilers


"You wanted to see me?" Isa looked around, obviously thinking Terra got the wrong person. Roxas was there too, smiling. But Lea was also here, sitting on a bench with a laid back attitude.

"Hey, Isa. 'Sup?"

"Are you sure I'm supposed to…"

"Yes. Thank you for coming, Isa. I'd like to wait a few more minutes for the others to come as well, if you don't mind. It's pretty important."

"Alright, then." Terra looked a bit nervous, pacing in front of them. He had asked them to come in Radiant Garden for reasons he had yet to explain. Roxas sighed.

"How many people are we expecting?"

"Just a few more. They will be there shortly."

Someone indeed showed up, but it was Aqua - and from Terra's expression, they guessed she wasn't the one he was waiting for.

"Terra, I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

"No, we haven't started yet. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, absolutely, I was just wondering if you had seen…" She stopped herself, frowning, looking at Roxas. "Ventus."

"No, sorry. I think he said he'd spend the day playing command board with Kairi."

"Oh, did he?" Aqua was saying each word very slowly, still staring at the blonde head. "Then why exactly is he here?"

"Wow, Aqua!" Terra chuckled, embarrassed. "That's Roxas. I know they look alike, but please don't…"

"Ventus, Terra said this was important, so now isn't the time to fool around."

"Aqua, I'm telling you, that's-"

"I would recognize you both with my eyes closed, Terra. This is Ventus wearing Roxas's clothes. Am I wrong, _Roxas_?"

Roxas stared at her for a few seconds before relaxing and bursting into laughter. "You got me! I'm sorry, Aqua. I'm really sorry too, Terra. Roxas and I made a bet about who would notice first. He said Lea would, while I put my munny on you, Aqua - no offense, Terra."

"Hey, I noticed, I just didn't say anything!" Lea complained, looking at Ventus as if he saw him for the first time. "I just thought it was funny so I kept quiet!"

"You didn't notice, I called you _Lea_ instead of Axel by accident and you barely even reacted."

"And keeping quiet has never been your forte, Lea", Isa slyly added. Terra was looking at them all with awe.

"Wait. I've been talking with you for _at least_ twenty minutes, and you're telling me this was just a prank?"

Ven chuckled, a bit embarrassed. "Uuuuh… surprise? To your defense, I'm sure you would have noticed right away if it was Roxas pretending to be me. It's just that you don't know Roxas that well so you weren't suspicious."

"Ven, I said I had something _important_ to tell them. That included Roxas."

Ven took a step back. "Are… Are you angry, Terra? I'm sorry, this was just a stupid joke, and I…" He looked really sad now, and Aqua walked to him, ruffling his hair.

"I'm sure Terra isn't angry at you, Ven. But it took him a lot of courage to gather everyone, and he's a bit nervous. This means a lot to him, you understand? So now, could you please go and get Roxas, please?"

"Oh, there's no need," said Lea, finally sitting correctly on his bench. "See, Roxas is a curious kid. Raised him myself. There's no way he wouldn't want to hear what Terra had to say. Time to get here, Roxas!"

They heard a few laughters, and three teenagers appeared out of their hideout : Roxas, Xion and Naminé. Lea rolled his eyes.

"Don't keep the big guy waiting now. You asked for these three gremlins?"

"Yes. We're only a few people short now - ah, here they come."

As a few figures appeared from the corner of a street, Aqua took Ven's hand and gently pulled him away. "Now it's time to leave them for real. You'll talk to them once their done, okay?"

"Okay… Later, guys! And sorry once again, Terra. I hope you're not too mad."

"I'm not, Ven. I swear I'm not. But for now, go with Aqua, please." His friends finally left as the newcomers joined them. Isa frowned when he saw them, his brain probably understanding why _they_ all had been summoned.

"Are we creating a new Organization? Can I be number 2? Can we not wear leather coats in summer?"

"Shut up, Lea." Isa nudged him with no delicacy, and Terra felt grateful for that.

It was true that all the ones gathered here were connected to the Old Organization XIII, most of them being actual members. Terra looked at them all : Dilan and Aeleus, the massive guards ; Ienzo and Even, the scientists ; Isa and Lea, the former apprentices ; Roxas and Xion, the youngest recruits ; and Naminé, who was forced to work for them. He looked at them all in silence, and they looked back at him, and he bowed as low as he could, his fists clenched.

"I am sorry."

He paused, trying to sort his thoughts out, but he couldn't look at them anymore. There was an invisible weight on his back, preventing him to stand up back straight again. He knew exactly what that weight was. And he knew it wouldn't leave until he said what he had to.

"Sorry about what? That's only the second time I meet you in my life, and the first time was this morning when you asked me to come. Now, if you're sorry you made me lose my time, apologies accepted, if you'd excuse me, I have work to-"

"Keep your mouth shut for once, Even, or I barbecue you. It wouldn't be the first time."

Terra could only guess the murderous glare Even shot at Lea. But this intervention gave him time to sort things out, and he finally started explaining.

"Ten years ago, my Master introduced us to someone he said was a friend. This is a story you might have heard before, so I'll keep this short. This man was named Master Xehanort, and he used me and the trust I had in him to do terrible things. I tried to fight him back, but it was too late - darkness had crept in and grew, and he took possession of my body. Thanks to that, using this body of mine, he studied under Ansem the Wise, next to all of you. This lead him to bring this world to chaos, and to be reborn once again, not as one, but as two entities, one of them being a Heartless under the name of Ansem, and the other… There's no point in introducing Xemnas. You probably know him more than I do. My point is… This all started because I foolishly trusted him. All of this is my fault. You lost your world, years of your life, your heart, probably people that were dear to you, and this is all because of me. I wish to apologize, but I never can hope to be forgiven. You all went through so much. The whole Organization XIII happened because I was stupid and naive. I am deeply sorry, and there isn't a single second when I won't feel terrible about this."

He thought the weight would be gone. He thought saying it, meaning it would be enough. And yet, he still couldn't face them. He was imagining their faces, disgust and hate painted all over it, as they understood he was the one who ruined their lives.

"Oh Lord, why do _I_ have to do this…" Even sighed, annoyed, and Terra tensed. "Listen up, boy. I told you. I have no idea who you are and I don't really care. I met a man looking _slightly_ like you years ago, and I worked with him. When he started saying he wanted to study the heart, I thought this was a good idea. This was something that was studied long before he arrived, by the way. When his ideas started to become dangerous, I followed him. Because I wanted to. Because my thirst for knowledge was limitless. I wasn't stupid, and I knew I lost my heart because of him, and yet I still stayed with him. At no point you have to do something with any of this. I don't even know your name. Feel guilty if you'd like, but I can hardly blame a complete stranger for decisions I made."

Terra was at a loss for words. Which happened to be a good things, because the others obviously weren't.

"We could have stopped him. Many times. We did not. Because just like you, we trusted him. This has nothing to do with you. I feel this is a path Lord Ansem might have followed himself someday anyway." Terra didn't see who talked, but he guessed it was Dilan.

"Yeah, even before Xehanort, Ansem led some very… _questionable_ experiments. That's why Isa and I became apprentices in the first place. We decided of our own path. Don't flatter yourself thinking you've got anything to do with this, buddy."

"The Organization is almost all I've ever known. Without them, I wouldn't even have met all of my friends. I'm not saying it had a happy ending, but I've been happy most of my life there."

"It's like Roxas said," replied Xion. "without the Organization, I wouldn't even exist, Terra. I wouldn't be there. They brought me to life. I can blame them for a lot of things, but without them, there would be no me either. If anything, I should thank you for this. If you really believe the Organization XIII happened because of you, then I'm grateful because I owe you my life."

There was another silence. Terra was still staring at the ground, his heart drumming in his chest. He heard some whispers before Ienzo added "Honestly I was a kid, I don't remember anything that happened and I don't really care. I'm not even sure my life was that different when we created the Organization ; the only thing that had changed was that Master Ansem was gone, and I had no heart to mourn him. I don't blame you, and I don't owe you anything. I just don't care."

Somehow, his words helped, calming a bit his racing heart. But there was someone he'd like to hear out. Someone he still couldn't face. He heard some steps, and saw her feet next to him. A hand gently landed on his shoulder.

"Terra. I know what it feels like, to regret things of the past. The Organization had me doing some very terrible things, and I did them without even questioning them. But time has come for us to move on, both you and me. Even though everyone has forgiven us, I know we will be unable to completely forgive ourselves. And that's okay. All we have to do is learn from this. Everyone here did things they aren't proud of when they were wearing their black coat, and everyone here has learnt from it. You have it, but you don't need our forgiveness. You need your own acceptance. You need to learn to live with this guilt, and become a better person thanks to it. As we all do."

These words were the ones he needed. The one pushing away the weight on his back, on his shoulders. He slowly stood back up, tears running down his cheeks, and no one was looking at him with disgust or hatred. They were smiling at him. They all had encouraging smiles, and for the first time, he could see that spark of guilt that shone in everyone's eyes. Naminé was right. Their past were a part of them, and there was nothing they could do about it. Nothing, but using it to forge a better future.


End file.
